This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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