Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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