and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
