Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She told me I should be a condom model.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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