Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
