I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
