Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
