also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
