that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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