I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
