my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
