On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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