well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
