Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
