dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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