nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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