I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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