who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
