Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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