Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
