Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
