i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
