Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
