If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
