"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
