i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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