i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
