I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
