you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
