There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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