2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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