no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
