i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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