But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
