The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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