Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
