we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
