I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
