he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
