Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
