Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
