I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
