highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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