Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
