he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
