yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
