Christians are straight up FREAKS
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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