is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
