"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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