If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
