My nipple is on Facebook.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
