well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
