recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i think im in europe. pls send help
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
