If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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