I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
