Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
