she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
